Doesn't Feel Easy

The world seemed easier when I was 4
When all there was to life was play
and use rock, paper, scissors to settle a score.
When all you had on your plate were ABCs
To get your pain fixed with a simple band aid
When you scraped your knee.

The world seemed easier when I was 6
When you’d take a ball and stack up bricks
You’d hit the stack hard to make it fall with all your might
You’d think you had tasted victory when your team won
Just to feel that thrill, you would do it again every night.

The world seemed easier when I was 8
When winning a Mario Bros game was more popular than Fortnite
The clashes for consoles with your siblings were equally competitive
But none of you would go down without a fight

The world seemed easier when I turned 10
I remember, in school I switched a pencil for a pen
I felt like an adult alright, middle school here I come
all ready to clean my dirty PT shoes with a chalk and turn them white

The word seemed easier when I was 12
When library period now consisted of
Switching from tinkle digests
To reading newspapers kept on shelves

The world got confusing when I turned 14
When liars and broken friendships came into the scene
I wondered at that age too
Why the people I held so close
Started to make relationships feel utterly mean

I bounced back when I turned 16
When I became resilient towards shallow characters
And their empty words in between.

The world got real at 18
A little too real, I feel
When being unemotional and crass became the new cool
And instead of communicating your thoughts
You were applauded for being ‘level headed’
And having a heart of steel.

The world post 20, seemed heavier still
Happier yet heavier with the thought
That not everyone will return your goodwill
Where the cutthroat competition would make you feel like roadkill

But you’ll come out wiser
When you will learn to choose to keep certain people at bay
You will understand that the world has much more to it than the usual black and white
And life will finally make sense when you’ll find comfort in reading the grey.

You Are Enough

I do my hair; I wipe my tears and the makeup with it
I say out loud to my reflection in the mirror “I am easy to love”.
I am easy to love and I refuse to believe otherwise.
Communication, respect and encouragement are basic and I let someone have the power over me to make me feel crazy for asking for it in the capacity I did.

I’m not easy to forget. Oh, this is a tough one!
You looked me in the eye and told me I’m not someone that anyone will forget.
The lack of calls or texts, the feeling of being unwanted
The constant choosing of someone else over me tells me otherwise, love.

I am enough. The wrong ones made me feel the opposite.
It took some getting used to this but I know I’m strong.
You’ll always be inadequate and beyond the ones who aren’t equipped to handle your fire
You don’t become wrong in your existence overnight
You are enough.
The ones who can’t wrap their heads around you make you feel the opposite.  

City On Lockdown

They tell me you were vast before
that you didn’t have walls blocking the view
They swore they could see the park and beyond
Lucky were the chosen few who saw the skies blue

They tell me I used to love to play
To hide behind the cars with my friends
And out came the memory of never wanting to go home
The wind catching my hair while falling down - the only thing my mind replayed.

They tell me stories of foolishness
They tell me stories of playing games where there was a thrill to survive
“I remember jumping the barriers of adjacent houses”,    said my father with a playful glint in his eye.
“I remember making your grandma mad
 I remember because I knocked up a beehive.”

They tell me they ripped the city apart One lane and town at a time“I wish I had a youth like you”, I say,“I wish I could press rewind.”

What I’d never believe is when they’d tell me you’ll be empty
But here I am seeing your leaves wither away
The people all holed up inside their comforts
This is one season, I wish, didn’t stay.

They tell me you’ll someday get back on track
You have to, you see!
I want the kids running and dogs playing and for the neighbours to meet and laugh
I want the subtle joys of life back.

I know it’s a city on lockdown
but the dilemma is -
I got a whole suitcase of childhood memories I’ve got to unpack.